Going Around the Office

So with the entire office given the boot by the company to which we gave a collective 219 years of service, I received a variation of this email about twenty times today with something like "We can use all the luck we can get." My principles kept me from sending it to anyone, but this is my interpretation of it:

"To:RIOTIMUS91459873451@mail.com; dude@mail.com; buddy@mail.com; beavis@mail.whitehouse.gov; butthead@mail.gov; chickla@mail.com; linus@mail.com

From: PAB@mail.com

Subject: FW: Chinese Luck Proverb

[Imagine this coming out in a slow Power Point format on a lovely beige background]

This is a Chinese Proverb.

It started in Amsterdam.

It has been around the world 278.6 times. Keep it going.

Don't change any text from the way it came to you.

The Chinese Proverb:

Money can buy you a hot dog, but it can't fill your heart.

Money can buy a house, but it can't make a home.

Money can pay for your cab to the red-light district, but it can't buy you love.

Send this to twenty people you know need good luck.

Good luck will come to you within 24 hours.

Good luck will come in the mail or through the Internet.

One guy got this message and sent it on within five minutes. The next day he got a new job and had lunch at his favorite restaurant.

Another guy ignored this message. Later that day his grandma beat him half to death with a toilet plunger. With his dying breath he crawled to the computer and sent the message out. His grandma had a change of heart and called 911 and he was resuscitated.

A lady sent this message out within 24 hours of receiving it and the next day she got a check for ONE BILLION DOLLARS.

Some guy deleted this message without reading it. He got dysentery from his favorite restaurant and his mom kicked him out of the basement.

Jack sent this message out and he got a girlfriend and the DRE700 was elected president.

Send this to 20 people and you will have good luck."

Yeah.

R.

Catching the Bullet

There are innumerable reasons why the Roman Empire grew and just as many for why it collapsed. It is very difficult to back up simple reasons for the things that happened. For example the birth of empire came from the young Republic’s interest in securing peace on its boundaries. That is one argument. I could expound or counter argue that if this were a thesis of some kind instead of a blog post, but that is what it is and I will continue. Indisputably the Romans over-extended their reach and had to rely on conquest for the plunder to support a failing system and an army made up more and more by mercenary tribesman who were more loyal to their own than to any ideology of Rome. Some immigration issues never change.

For administrative reasons the Empire was given two administrative centers, Rome and Constantinople, with the latter taking precedence after Constantinople renamed the city-fortress of Byzantium for himself and set up shop there around 330AD. The Western Roman Empire fell to Germanic invaders while the Eastern Roman Empire waged a thousand-year two-front war. A losing war.

The tide ebbed and flowed, but the trend inexorably led to shrinkage of the Empire, whose people considered themselves Romans until the very end even though the young nations that grew from the corpse of the west considered them Greeks. By the time the end came in 1453, the Byzantine Empire resided completely within the walls of Constantinople, besieged by the Ottoman Turks to whom they had been losing their lands for two-hundred years.

How did it happen? Almost two-thousand years of culture and strife and in the end it came down to a handful of people manning the walls. Was it overextension? Did the leaders fail to look ahead? Did the people place their momentary success and comfort over supporting policies of long-term viability? Was it six-hundred years ago so who gives a damn?

I have complained about the super-corporation that I work for many times here. I even have a label for Corporate Life. A misspelled link that I will correct if I ever figure out how. In the seven years I have worked for this company I have somehow survived three location closures and a dozen layoffs as they have “managed our footprint.” Almost all of those were close calls. Elyena and I started to feel like we were playing Russian roulette. We finally got the loaded chamber. Recently my employer closed almost a hundred operations eliminating three thousand jobs. 3000. 3K. My department, purchasing, has been on eggshells waiting for to see how that would affect us . . . how many of us would be reduced. Yesterday morning my supervisor called a meeting and announced that our entire office is being eliminated with no hope of relocation.

It has been an interesting seven years. In my working lifetime, starting at the age of fourteen, this was the first big corporation that I worked for, and I owe a lot of my education and understanding of the way the world works to it. My previous employers were all family businesses. They left a lot to be desired. One shaved a little off of my time cards like I was too blind to see the eraser marks or too ignorant to know that taking a little off of everyone’s time week after week resulted in saving thousands of dollars a year. Quite respectable for a family business. And there was the one that almost got me killed by taking penny-pinching shortcuts like disconnecting the safety sensor in the seat of an industrial trencher, the end result being that even after I was ran over and had to have knee surgery that I sat in my leg brace and watched while they sent the same machine in the same condition back out on the job.

Through all of this I maintained that it was the family businesses that were so flawed. It is in large part thanks to my expiring employer that instead of the big business loving Republican that I grew up as I am the unrepresented fighter of the invisible aristocracy of America. I used to have the idea that Human Resources are there to look after the employee. The years have helped me to recognize that resources are there to be exploited by the company, human or otherwise, and HR is the vehicle propaganda. I sat in an HR meeting where our rep announced some heinous change the company was making “for our stockholders,” whatever the hell that means.* “The company is not out to screw you,” she said. No it isn’t. It’s not vindictive. It’s just completely apathetic. It’s just business.

Our industry is cyclical and instead of getting ready for the downswing my employers kept gobbling up smaller companies in order to look good to “the stockholders.” It was corporate imperialism at its worst and it left us wide open to the massive collapse of our empire. Their empire. Their influence has helped me become a closet commie. That’s beside the point, though. They were too busy posturing to be ready for the economic situation we are facing. And their employees are paying for it.

It may sound like I am going postal, but I am not. As long time readers know, as well as friends and family, I have long considered my relationship with this company as much a liability as an asset. As of December 5th I will be a free agent. I will find a new job and will have no long-term employment ties to keep me from going to graduate school. So here’s to change: may mine be the only company that tanks in the economy to come, and I promise not to turn this blog into a whining forum. Unless I have another dang clever historical analogy to go with it. Only time will tell.

R.

*I don’t believe in stock holders. I think it is a myth used by boards of directors to do whatever they like. The stockholders are millions of Americans who are dumping money into their 401K plans. So when a company says they are doing something for their stockholders they are at best blowing sunshine but more likely taking advantage of the ignorance of their employees.

The Conference Call (A Real-life Tale in the Life of Riotimus)

East-coast Corporate Buyer #1 (ECCB1): Welcome to the California District Purchasing meeting. Let's take roll.

(People of various degrees of importance sound off)

East-coast Corporate Buyer #2 (ECCB2): Well . . . since our last call the market has taken a dump.

ECCB1: It is the same on my end. How are things in the Field?

West-coast Store Manager #1 (WCSM1): blah blah blah

West-coast Store Manager #2 (WCSM2): blah blah blah You guys suck. I think you are trying to put us out of business. blah blah blah

WCSM3, 4, & 5: blah blah blah

WCSM1: I think WCSM2 had a good point. What the hell are you guys doing in your high-backed chairs over there?

ECCB1: Do you want to take that ECCB2?

ECCB2: blah blah blah

WCSM4: Why can't you guys just do things right?

ECCB1: We do things right. blah blah blah Some day you will see why centralized purchasing is best for everybody.

WCSM1, 2, 3, 4, & 5: blah blah blah You guys suck! blah blah blah

Entire Staff of Rocky Mountain Purchasing Group (RMPG): zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

ECCB1: Why don't we turn the time over to ECCB3 for some important information.

ECCB3: If you guys would start doing your jobs this whole system would work like a well oiled machine. You can't sit on your thumbs in the California sun and expect for us to be able to do a good job in the Confederacy.

WCSM1, 2, 3, 4, & 5: blah blah blah with rancor

ECCB1: Uh, do you guys in the RMPG have anything today?

RMPG: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . No. No we don't. Thanks for having us on though.

ECCB1: Let's plan on doing this again next week then.

RMPG: (hits the mute button and collectively groans)

Call duration: 1 hour 27 minutes

Almost There

I am on the verge of being back, both to Write On and to the Writer's Union. Thank you all for the support and for not forgetting me.

R.

Early Start

I got up early and did some job work, and then I wrote another 175ish words for the story I started yesterday. Very satisfying.

R.

Where Have I Been?

About a week ago I went into work and found out that half of the staff was going to spend this week in California doing training for some delinquent stores. Where was my memo? Dog ate it? Well, it basically meant that the number of stores that I purchase for doubled, and I am still new at my job. It has been a week of unparalleled suckiness. I hope the Word Counter's Union was not too abandoned by my absence. I know from the comments that I was missed. I think I am back now. At least I will be after the NULC.

R.

A Voice from the Maze

I have spent a week now in what I've come to think of as "The Maze," that is, the regional office of the powerful corporate entity which employs me. I considered calling it "The Maize" because many of the creepy aspects of the corn field apply, but I don't think that I will. I am not alone there - a half a dozen or more of my former co-workers have scrambled, clawed, or just earned their way into this web of cubicles. Today I heard one of them say, "Shine on you crazy diamond," to someone on the phone. It stopped me in my tracks. As many of you know, that is one of my oldest and favoritest sayings that has earned me looks ranging from blank to flat disgust. I am sure that there are other people in the world who say that exact thing and have for a long time. At the same time, I felt a sense of gratitude at the possibility that I perhaps had an influence on a respected colleague. One way or the other, I thought it a unique and surreal enough experience to post about here.

I have four essays and one test tomorrow and then I will be done with the work I need to do to graduate. Hooray. I have been down with the sickness like in that song by Disturbed so I haven't enjoyed getting rid of my commute as much as I initially planned, but I will make up for it.

R.

So Ready to be Movin' On

Below: A Storm Brewin' in Mongolia. Yeah. I was there.

Really. I start in my new position on December 3rd, and I graduate on December 14th. But I am ready now. Now, I say. I don't want to spend all next week driving 2-1/2 hours a day to my dwindling-commissioned current job. I don't want to write about "how well the introduction to the essay drew me in." How is that for a Thanksgiving attitude? A little disappointing, I am sure. I had an exciting story idea the other night and I am anxious to get it written. I made a list of the books I've read or listened to lately that I have stuff to say about here and haven't yet done so. I am having the hardest time getting down to business with this final stretch of school and sales. That is just where I am at right at this exact moment in time.

Movin' On

This morning I spent a few hours alternately doing homework, reading to the boys, and daydreaming about a job that I recently interviewed for. When the time came, I slipped into a Clean Greenie (those of you who have seen me in my corporate attire know of what I speak) and thought to myself, “Self, wouldn’t it be nice if the day of the Clean Greenie were coming to an end like the day of the Elves at the end of the Third Age.” Well, I received the call today, and the position that I sought is now mine. No more commuting – I will be able to walk to work. I estimate that by the time I graduate the Clean Greenie will no longer figure into my wardrobe, except maybe right before wash day. I will turn the extra fifteen to twenty hours a week to cool things like:

• Chilling with my family
• Passing my classes so I can graduate
• Reading paper books
• Picking up the guitar again
• Getting back to writing
• Blogging about most of the above

I am so excited I can hardly see straight. I can’t wait to Write On.

R.

Teamwork - It's More than just a Word

Those of you who know me understand me already for the goose-stepping company man who makes his daily commute with a smile on his face. In spite of that quality of mine, I sometimes find myself thinking of the large framed poster above the stair landing at work. It has an inspiring little message about teamwork under a picture of a section of the Great Wall of China, a man-made landmark that can be seen from outer space by the naked eye - built and improved for thousands of years by slave labor. Does anyone but me sense some incongruity here? I understand that the poster is supposed to catch up the viewer in the majesty of the image and cause him to think, "Wow! If we work together we could turn [this company] (or whatever) into an monument of unimagined proportions." Well, lets bust out the cat-o-nine tails and see who doesn't want to be a part of the team. Who in sieg hail would pay money for that, much less hang it for their, um, workers(?) to see? I've gone on about it as if it really upsets me, but it doesn't. The people who see that poster everyday probably don't know enough about history to know that they are being jacked with, so everyone is happy, motivated, and enjoying the cool picture of the Great Wall hanging above the landing. As for me, I've finished another semester - still waiting back on the results of that - and I've finished some more audio-books on my commute. I will be posting my thoughts on them soon. As far behind as I am on my posts, I may just do one post that addresses all of them, but I might not. They all certainly deserve their own post. So look for that soon, and write on.

R.

A Little Wuthering

As previously mentioned, I am now commuting and listening to audio-books as I go. I just finished Wuthering Heights last Friday and thought I would throw a few thoughts out here.

The book is the story of Kathryn and Heathcliffe, two young friends that fall in love but are constantly apart. Kathryn marries someone else, Heathcliffe runs off and returns eventually with a mysterious fortune, and the two of them set about making everyone around them miserable. I suppose the story is less about them and more about how Heathcliffe, filled with hate, manages to ruin (at least temporarily) the lives of everyone he feels has wronged him and their children, and their property, and their servants. It has a fairly happy ending - I'm not sure if it is worth the countless pages of mean-spirited bickering that fills out the tale, but it is not the complete tragedy I was expecting.

In terms of why Wuthering Heights is considered a 'classic,' I think it must be the time of its creation. At that time, the novel was a fairly new artistic format. Also, many of the novels that we know as full books were released chapter by chapter in periodicals, only to be bound together at a later date. In terms of its description of life in northern England at the turn of the 19th century, I found it both enlightening and in harmony with what I know about the era as a historian. I found the language of the book delightful, and enjoyed some of the more poignant moments of the story. If the story has a redeeming, or classic, quality, it is that young Mrs. Linton (the daughter of the older Kathryn and her husband) refuses to accept unhappiness. Toward the end of the book, Heathcliffe has managed to strip away her family, her husband (who is Heathcliffe's son, and equally despised by him), her property (I shuddered at all of the book burning), and any sense of freedom she once possessed. Though she temporarily adopts the household of Wuthering Height's cruel and hateful temperament, she finds a way to make happiness there where there was none before. Her efforts are aided by the mysterious (but somewhat lame) death of Heathciffe at what amounted to be the most convenient time for her (and the object of her happiness, which you will have to find for yourself if wading through hours of meanness doesn't turn you off to happy endings). So, I am glad that I read (listened to) it. I won't be re-reading it.

My next audio-book is Hornblower goes to the West Indies, a Horacio Hornblower book. Think of the Master and Commander books but probably a lot cheesier. I'll soon know for sure.

I recently had a fan of my Tales from the Laughing Grass stories request new material. It was somewhat disappointing to not have anything to offer up. I just keep telling myself, "Self, seven more months and you'll be a free man." Write on.

R.

My New Hobby

That's right - commuting. Fifty miles exactly from my driveway to the parking lot of my new workplace. One hour in the morning, and one-and-a-half to three hours on the way home. Happily, my car seems to be getting close or over forty mpg with this type of driving, as long as I don't run the air conditioner. I went to the library to see what audio books they had on CD, and found that they only had about six, at least three of which are intolerably lame. I checked out Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte and that should keep my mind off the time I'm spending for a couple of days at least.

In school news, I am working on my senior research project for my History degree. It is as hard as one might expect to be a medievalist and try to find an event with enough primary sources (accessible in the part of the world I live in, at least) to fill a thirty page paper. I have therefore decided to do an historiography on the perception of the Norman Invasion by 20th century historians before and after WWII. I'm sure you'll all find it fascinating when it's done. Anyways, stay cool, and Write on.

R.

Kurt Vonegut Fiction Prize Results

I bet you are all tired of finding out that I got rejected by someone else, but I did. So there. "A Day in the Sun" wasn't what they were after. Ah, well. I think it is safe to say that that is some reader's favorite of my work, so I don't take it personally.

Things have been crazy what with the end of my heaviest semester yet and a busy Spring in general. I have thought little about my fiction, and wrote even less. I hope that will change as I have on six hours worth of classes for the summer and three for fall. That is just a possible option based on how the employment situation turns out this summer after they close the doors of my current place of labor.

I am tentatively planning on entering WotF this quarter, but that will only happen if I have time to do a serious re-write of "Resurrection," which also hinges on how the next weeks/months go. So that's my writing report for now.

R.

The Man and Blogging

The Man doesn't like blogging. He doesn't like shenanigans. Or anything that distracts from efficient labor. Therefore, he has blocked Blogger from me while I am at work. I noticed that the blocker is temporarily not working and thought I would shout out to them as that might miss my writing while I'm at work. Don't let The Man hold you down. Write on.

R.

Corporate Musings

A few thoughts for today – in my Inbox sat an Internal Announcement about a new program for cutting costs to become “a world-class organization” by asking every employee to cut $8 a day in expenses. Swell. I think it’s a great theory. How much is a box of paper clips? But the real power of the memo is under the heading “WHY SHOULD I PARTICIPATE?”

Taking lessons from the national bestseller “Good to Great,” we recognize cost savings has a tremendous impact on our transition to a world-class company. With “$8 to Great,” ALL associates are empowered to do their part.
Each week flyers highlighting a different “real-life” savings concept as well as ideas to help you make a difference will be posted in your location. We encourage you to stop and think about these concepts and continue to identify ways we can save money and do our jobs more efficiently.
In other words: If you help save money by making your job harder the piratas blanco   at the top of the ladder will have more profit margin to play with. That would be a savings of at least $2080 per year per employee. And they’ll freak out if someone gets half-an-hour of overtime and act like we should be thrilled by out 3% annual raise. I’m sold.

Then I had a customer who reminds me of an old employer come in this morning to talk to My Salesman. The customer—who we’ll call Bich to protect his identity—told me to watch my bid entries because I had fat-fingered an item on a recent project. He said, “Don’t worry, I got you covered on this one. Right. My Salesman jumped in at that point to say, “You remember what we talked about? Going through each line item and double checking everything?” I said, “Are you kidding?” Bich was standing right there, but whatever. My Salesman wasn’t the one that stayed late and had to beg favors from the rest of the sales staff to get the job done. My Salesman and Bich make a great team. For example—one day My Salesman was telling me about how things were going to get better for Bich once the recession hits because “he’ll be able to pick up some good julios cheap.” I say, “So Bich is going to expand his crew during to recession to save money?” He gets this lame/timid look on his face. I can read between the lines. “So he’s going to drop the guys working for him now and replace them with guys begging to work for peanuts? Those ‘julios’ have families, bills, they’ve been loyal to Bich and done a good job for him.” In a huff, My Salesman says, “Let Bich worry about how he does business.” Yeah, I will. But don’t act surprised that I’m not jumping for joy when you ask me to call him about something so stupid that you don’t want to be the person on the other end of the line.

R.

Riotimus vs. the Superbowl

Just wanted to take a moment to discuss the highlights of my Monday morning.

1) I walk into dispatch. There are drivers and my salesman standing around talking about winning and losing money and so on.

R: Was there a football game this weekend?

Crowd: (general hissing and booing) Just the Superbowl (spoken with condescension).

R: That's cool. Who won?

Crowd: (general hissing and booing)

Salesman: The Chicago Bears

R: I always liked the Bears

Crowd: (general hissing and booing)

I leave the room in turmoil, but I am strangely satisfied.






These fine graphs offer some stats on football injuries for them as that might be interested in that sort of thing.


2) At the water dispenser I overhear several people talking about the Superbowl. Everyone has their say and there is a long pause.

R: I decided to watch a Superbowl once, but when I turned on the TV it turned out to just be a football game.

Crowd: (general hissing and booing)

I go back to my desk and get back to work.

R.

On Good Behavior

So my boss' laptop took the old lead sleeping tablet. That in itself may not be bad. However, as it were, he has selected to work at the computer terminal right in front of mine on this day. "It could be worse," you are thinking, and you're right. He could be sitting behind me. Except that with that same wisdom that led me to select the back-most seat back in my school days (the ones where I was a kid, not the ones where I had kids) I selected the the back-most desk. Yes, it's true. So here I am, struggling to keep my muscle-relaxented brain focused on productivity while his big black cloud hangs over my corner of the workspace. Even so.

Write on.

R.

Jock Straps and Tales of Woe

I'm not sure if you have ever considered it, but being sales support is a lot like being athletic support: both have to cover the...

But I digress. The stories are still flowing. My honey and I sat down and looked at what's needed to fill out the collection; it looks like six more stories will round it out nicely. It was a bit of a dilemma figuring out what to do because I want the collection to read like like a series of short stories, not a really bad novel. Based on that I am going to hit some obscure events that should smooth out the transitions between story clusters (like the ADIS - GBO cluster, or the TM - TTG - PTJ cluster) and to balance out the stand alone stories with the obviously followed up stories. So six more stories and it will be time to revise with a vengeance.

R.

Lost Opportunities and Personnel Changes

Our bambino ripped us from sleep at 5:05 this morning. I laid in bed coughing because I'm down with the sickness like the guy in that song by Disturbed, keeping my honey and the baby awake until I finally decided to get up and go to work early. It is too bad I didn't just get up and write; I am making progress (too slow to call it good progress) on what I feel will be a good story, one of my best I hope. "Water over the dam or under the bridge or however you want to put it." I just have too much to write and not enough time, and when I have time I don't always use it to my advantage. My wife says that I should be grateful that I don't suffer writer's block, but not getting the stories I have written is equally frustrating in my opinion. Enough on that I suppose.

There have been some changes at the corporate beast that writes my check even as it devours the world; my moody young compadre has taken a job for one of our customers and is moving on, bringing in a new inexperienced but enthusiastic person. It will be very interesting to see how it goes. I wish I could support my family writing.

R.

I Think I'm Addicted to AFI...

Work is a super bummer. I had my annual review today. I received satisfactory remarks on every level, and it earned me my 3% cost of living raise. I imagine a CEO or regional manager making six figures coming up with the idea that a flat percentage raise was the fair way to go; that way the $16,640 forklift operator would be happy knowing that his $520 raise was actually equal to the $3,092.78 raise that went to their $100,000 dollar corporate counterpart. It's right there in the math: 3% for each of them. Just something that's on my mind today.

R.